Bullshit or brilliance?-frankly, i’m leaning towards the former. I have a long history of trying different psych meds with unsatisfactory results. Some of my unhappiness/poor efficacy was in my head – i hate taking meds in general-but i believe most of it was physiological-the shit just didn’t work for me.
Being recently discharged from inpatient fun after ECT and experiencing serious memory problems because i elected bilateral ECT, i have not been well- more depressed along with some anxiety. I am struggling at times because i can’t really remember my life and what i used to do with myself all day. I have been reminded and i know that my memories should return in the next few months and i think things are changing but it is scary not to remember.
Anyway, at the suggestion (and urging, although my counselor denies it) of both my counselor and psych nurse i am once again faced with deciding whether to give “western medicine” another try. When i was inpt they offered me Ambien each night so that i might sleep and i usually take whatever they slide in my direction when in. I blindly continued to take it after discharge until, last week, i decided i’m not going to depend on a pill to sleep. It just rubs me the wrong way. I advised my counselor of my decision which resulted in me getting her frowny face. Too bad. When i get tired enough, i will sleep.
My psych nurse is aware of the multitude of meds i have tried without success and at my last visit offered a gene test for help in making a suggestion. “Medicare has been paying for part of it” she stated hopefully. The companies’ literature states they will not run the test without contacting the patient first if the charge will be over $325.00 (yippee). I agreed to do the test and handed over 2 cheek swabs.
The company website advises that the results are usually ready within 48 hrs when the sample is overnighted, so i expected to hear from her last week with either a request to make an appt for us to discuss the results or notification that she had called in whatever drug(s) she thought appropriate. My counselor told me she spoke to my psych nurse last Thursday because of her concerns. It will be 2 weeks Wednesday since i submitted my DNA and i have not heard from the nurse.
I told my counselor recently that i don’t want special treatment or to be told or think that i am special. She asked why and, at the time, i could not explain why. If i believed that i was important or that my struggles were valid, i would be feeling quite forgotten about or abandoned now by my nurse. Luckily, i’m not embracing strong emotions right now so it feels more like a “oh well” annoyance. This is one good reason not to expect much from people. It’s painful when they let you down. Doc
thebigfarm 