Fuck me. I’ve been swallowing 500 mg of trazodone nightly for months. Then the other day, I was online and came across the statement that trazodone is addictive. This won’t do. Why the hell didn’t the prescriber mention that it is addictive, that withdrawal can come with some nasty side effects? I, apparently, didn’t get the choice or the information to make an informed decision about this drug. And I’m pissed off. I choose what or whom I want to be dependent on.
So, I have started weaning myself off of it. Should take around 10 days. If I sleep without it, great. If not, there’s always pot brownies. And pot. Fuuuck you, Dr. G. for thinking I don’t know my own mind. Rant over.
Edit: I wrote the above on 2/8/15 and I did stop the trazodone. The first few weeks were bad, but like I predicted, pot and chocolate saw me through most nights. Now, 4 months later, my quality and length of sleep still SUCKS and I made an appt. (after cancelling my last one because I wasn’t taking any of his fucking meds – so why go?) for this week to discuss said sucking sleep.
I should go in there with a specific drug request, but I don’t know what to ask for.
The other thing I have to do is ask him to write something to get me excused from jury duty. I got my first ever summons this week. I don’t really think I have social anxiety, but all my head can think is no, no, no, no, no, NO. I haven’t been able to concentrate on more than a blog post or 10 minutes of TV at a time for a while. My daily newspaper piles up because there’s too many words and I can’t focus. So really, that’s my concern. I do not think I can sit still, focus, or contribute to someone’s very important jury trial. I’d just fuck it up.
Edit #2: I went to see the shrink yesterday. It helped immensely that while en route to his office 35 mins. away, a guy in the next lane pulled abreast of me and motioned that my right front tire was low. Goddammit. Anyway, I dealt with that and no one called me 3 mins. after my scheduled appt. time to say I was late – which they have done before.
I told him there were 2 things I wanted to discuss. Sleep and jury duty. I told him I was ashamed to ask, but I wanted to be medically excused from jury duty. “OK – i’ll write you a note.” Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
Dr G. “Now, about your sleep.”
I told him my troubles and our collaborative dance began.
“I want something I can take every night, if needed, like Ambien.”
Dr. G. “I don’t like it, as it can cause rebound insomnia after about 2 weeks. Have you ever taken mirtazapine (Remeron)?”
“Yes. But, a don’t want an antidepressant that also makes you sleepy.”
Dr. G. -flipping through his iphone menu -” OK, how about hydroxyzine? Ever take that?”
“Yes, for allergies.”
Dr. G. – already writing on his Rx pad- “Let’s try this.”
**Well, alright. I should at least try it. After all, he was really good about the jury duty thingy.**
So, I will try hydroxyzine 100 to 200mg at night. I should probably keep a sleep journal, because after a few sleepless nights I can’t remember details.
At the end, I asked him what my diagnosis was.
“Major depressive disorder.”
Me: “What about bipolar 2?”.
“I don’t think you’re bipolar. Why, did someone say you were?”
Me: “The shrink at Hopkins last year.” (I wonder now if calling pdocs “shrinks” is offensive.)
When I took my paperwork to the front desk, I copied down the 2 DSM codes he had written on it. One was for MDD blah, blah. The other turned out to be “cocaine abuse, moderate”. It’s CANNABIS abuse, moderate, you knob. Fuck, now I have to fix this.
I also, at the urging of a friend, kept my internal med. apt . Next stop – a GI consult and probable endoscopy. Yeah.