where have I been and what have I been doing?    Nowhere and nothing I can remember.  Except, I have had to acknowledge and deal with my first, can’t deny it, manic episode.  Fortunately, mania for me doesn’t include reckless spending or reckless sex.  “Your mania”, as my therapist puts it,  is more agitation, anger, irritability,and rapid talking.  I started to consider bipolar mania as an option when I noticed I was out of breath from talking so fast.

After nearly 60 years of life, I doubt my mental health issues have just started.  If I am honest, I can look back and cringe a bit at some of the things I’ve done or said.  But, how do you tell if your quirks are pathological?  I don’t think it really matters.  It is what it is.

For most of my adult life I have used marijuana as an enjoyable interlude and as medicine to help me deal with my troubles.  Now, I have decided to be more forthright and have invested in 2 pharmaceutical companies working to make medical marijuana available to sufferers of several, different maladies.  I still haven’t convinced my shrink of pot’s value as a mental health drug, however.

My siblings and I have been dealing with my mom’s and her husband’s estate.   Lawyers, like psychiatrists, seem to be a necessary evil in some circumstances.  I will be glad when it’s all said and done.

Blue is in the middle of her first estrus cycle and it’s driving us both nuts.  I can’t take her for her daily off leash walk on the farm and she’s decided to jump the newly installed fence at home whenever a squirrel or butterfly tempts her, so she’s currently tied up in the yard hating me and life. I’ve decided to install an electric wire on the inside of the fence to discourage anymore forays and have warned the few neighbors I like to help avoid an unwanted shock.  I hate tying her up.  I hope her heat ends soon so that we can get back to our walks  and she can burn off her energy and feel happy.  I need her to be happy.  Doc.



Skipping ECT today

This is my first post since being admitted to the John’s Hopkins Hospital psych. ward involuntarily on 3/12/14. I’ve had 8 ECT’S so far, but was a little confused after last Fridays’ treatment so, my shrink cancelled todays’ treatment. I think I’m going to have 2 to 4 more before we stop. Today is the 72nd day of my hospitalization. I’d really like to go home soon. I miss smoking pot and I miss smoking tobacco. My shrink wants me to stop smoking pot, citing “It’s like you have type 1 diabetes, but that is just not possible. My shrink asked for my outpatient therapist’s number so he can call him about doing DBT, but I’m not sure I gave him the right phone number (I don’t have my phone).
I’m sure my grass at home is going to need cutting soon and I need to move the firewood on the carport out to the end of the yard. I talked to my mother yesterday, and she said the hummingbirds are returning to her bushes, so they’re probably wondering where my feeders are.