I wonder…

I wrote here recently about my plan to wean off my psych meds. I informed my pdoc of these plans and asked him to write down a weaning schedule, which he did, begrudgingly.

So far, so good. I’m off hydroxyzine and will be off wellbutrin in another week. Today, i looked online for some recommended weaning plans for trazodone and found several that advise decreasing the dose by 10% each month. After some very precise calculations, i arrived at around a year – as i take 450mg each night. My pdocs schedule would have me completely weaned in 5 weeks.

I also read a great many patient experiences with trazodone withdrawal. A lot of them had a BAD time of it.

Soooo… i got to wondering if my pdoc purposely shortened my wean so that i would have a horrible withdrawal and come crawling back to him with my brains scrambled and in need of his help. [“I tried to tell you so.”]

I know how this sounds. Am i being paranoid or am i onto something? Doc


It’s unofficial….

but i now believe i am bipolar. For the past 9 years i have carried the diagnosis of MDD. This has been debated between myself and my shrink several times but he has stuck to his original dx. I couldn’t decide whether the occasional good days in between months and months [years] of depression meant anything.

My therapist has long suspected BP, Dr. Laura asked me to consider my treatment-resistant depression as a possible sign of BP and a couple of in-house shrinks at Hopkins thought i was, but they didn’t commit to it [ha] on paper.

I spend an hour weekly with my T and 15 minutes with my shrink every 3 to 4 months. I should have listened to my T, it would have saved time. But, for some reason, i wanted a shrink to agree.

It doesn’t matter anymore. For the last 10 days, i have been fantastically happy, better than before i became ill. I have enjoyed singing and dancing around the house, buying lots of clothes, working on long-neglected projects, and GASP! being sociable.

I did start weaning off my AD’s and anxiety meds last week but my “happy, happy, joy, joy” times started before that. My hypomania is probably helping me with the drug wean as well.

Like many people, i LIKE it and i don’t want it to end anytime soon. For now, i am going to pretend it won’t. Doc

I’m being dragged…

into the black hole of modern medicine. It probably helps that i am well-insured.

It began in january 2017 after a minor gi bleed prompted me to find a primary care provider. Probably good to have one, i thought.

My new nurse practitioner sent me to a GI specialist. He found something he didn’t like on a CT of my belly and sent on to a cardiologist. A nuclear cardiac scan and stress test later, my heart was deemed healthy. Finally, i got clearance for a colonoscopy which is why i started this nonsense.

For lots of years i have forgone most preventative medicine. Now, look at me – riding the pony.

The cardiologist wanted to explain some exercise intolerance and chest tightness, so off i went for a pulmonary function test, which was, of course, abnormal. She sent me today for a low dose CT of my lungs and signed me up for yearly CT’s-to check for cancer.
And i now have an appt. with a pulmonologist in 5 weeks.

In reality, i could just walk away. I don’t know why i don’t. Some of my continued participation is due to my interest in biology.

No, NO, that’s going to be it. I want off this ride. Doc

we hate ticks

With the too-rapid onset of summer in the mid-atlantic, the local ticks – the lone star, the blacklegged tick or deer tick, and the american dog tick – are out and about. I’ve had a few feeding on me and Blue has had more. Her monthly flea/tick topical seems to poop out a little before the 30 days.

Two days ago, Blue was scooting on her butt and i considered an anal gland issue as my first r/o. However, when i tried to check them, Blue became highly offended and bounded out of my grasp. I’ll try again later.

Next, i considered a piece of grass {she’s been grazing a lot lately} that she couldn’t budge. A quick glance and nothing green seen. I’ve helped her before-it’s easy to pull out.

Finally, today, a good look and it turns out to have been a tick – attached and feeding right on her a-hole. Damned annoying i’d expect. Poor Blue , butt {ha} i got it.

So, basically, we hate ticks.

After the first tick of the season, i turn into someone that thinks every odd sensation might be a tick and must be checked.

They must exist for some reason. I’m sure something eats them {thank you}. They suck your blood and can give you a potentially lethal parasite or infection.
Which brings me to something i found in the Post. There is an organization who, for a limited time, is offering free tick testing. The website to fill out their info card and get directions is bayarealyme.org. Your location doesn’t matter. After they have finished, they send you the findings. I’ve sent in 2 ticks so far. They are trying to see which ticks are where and what organisms they’re carrying or not.

I use an insect repellent but they find a way in.

I have thought before that my mentalness could be because of undiagnosed Lyme disease. I had 1 negative Lyme test 3 or 4 years ago. I might check it again soon.

So, watch for ticks. Doc

going au naturel

I haven’t been writing here or reading others’ blogs for a while. I’d like to try again.
Let’s forget all the bitching and moaning i could do and cut to the ending.
I have not felt well for months despite taking 2 antidepressants and something for anxiety. This morning, en route to the shrink, i decided that i am tired of having my medicated head shoved up my ass. While i have not been well, the people around me think i am.
I have been in therapy and on psych meds for 9 years now and if this is the best they can do, then i’m out.
My shrink in shrinky fashion, advised me that stopping one’s med is a common occurrence. People don’t think they are working, so they stop and BAM it all comes crashing down. I forgot to ask him how many people do come off their meds without a hitch. Probably more than he would want me to know.
Nevertheless, i must stop in order to see and be the real me.
I will not tell my family or therapist i have stopped because i want their unbiased opinions.
I asked the shrink to write out a weaning plan for me and he did so, while grumbling. He told me to come back in three months but i don’t believe i will. Doc