I had what I’m going to call an averted meltdown on Friday. I had mentioned to my sister, in a moment of uncharacteristic sharing, that I had finally sat through most of Pitch Perfect on the TV earlier in the week. She, characteristically, squealed with delight because she had told me it was good and now that the sequel (PP2) is out, she had someone to go with her to the movies to see it. (Loud, even happy noises set my teeth on edge). Anyway, she texted me Friday afternoon to see if I would like to join her and her hubby that evening to see PP2. I didn’t really want to but a tiny part of my brain scolded and shamed me into saying OK. I told them I’d meet them there and I was, arguably, a few minutes late. I had hoped they would wait for me in the lobby but they had not. I got my ticket and my cherry Icee and told myself I could find them in the darkened theater. I could not. So, feeling abandoned and sorry for myself, I waited in the back hoping they would look for me. When I started getting glances from other people after about 10 mins. (*why is she standing back there?*) I found a seat about halfway down and sat in an empty row.
I lasted about 45 mins. before the loud music and too bright lights and my wiggly, nonfocusing mind started telling me to run… run away now. I felt so much relief when I slid behind the wheel of my truck and got out onto the open highway. When my sister called later to find out what had happened, I glossed over the details and told her I wasn’t feeling that well. Gratefully, she accepted this explanation without any further questions.
But, I really believe that my near wig out was, in part, due to the fact that I woke up Friday morning with RLQ abdominal pain. I have been having intermittent bouts of pain in this area, every couple of months, for a while now and I’ve come to believe that I have either chronic appendicitis or appendicular cancer. It usually lasts 24 – 36 hours and goes away gradually and I forget about it until the next time. The episode about a month ago was a bit different than usual in that I only had periumbilical pain not the aching, occasionally flickering pain I have grown used to. So, I’m blaming my intolerance of normal, human activities ( the movies) on my current sore belly.
Yesterday, after 48 hours of no relief, I told myself if the pain was still here by Sunday evening I would go to the local ER But as the evening approaches, I find my resolve disappearing. I have a lifelong problem asking for medical help unless I’m convinced that I’m really ill. Having been an ER nurse for many years, I cringe at the thought of the staff shaking their heads in my direction and thinking “WTF. Why is she here with something mild and temporary. We’re busy people with real sick patients to look after”. I know the usual progression of symptoms in acute appendicitis and it isn’t doing that. So, I’m waffling. It’s 2 pm now and I set 6 pm as the cut off time for my decision. Goddammit, stop hurting NOW. Just stop.