The last couple of days

I had what I’m going to call an averted meltdown on Friday.  I had mentioned to my sister, in a moment of uncharacteristic sharing, that I had finally sat through most of Pitch Perfect on the TV earlier in the week.  She, characteristically, squealed with delight because she had told me it was good and now that the sequel (PP2) is out, she had someone to go with her to the movies to see it. (Loud, even happy noises set my teeth on edge).   Anyway, she texted me Friday afternoon to see if I would like to join her and her hubby that evening to see PP2.  I didn’t really want to but a tiny part of my brain scolded and shamed me into saying OK.  I told them I’d meet them there and I was, arguably, a few minutes late.  I had hoped they would wait for me in the lobby but they had not.  I got my ticket and my cherry Icee and told myself I could find them in the darkened theater.  I could not.  So, feeling abandoned and sorry for myself, I waited in the back hoping they would look for me.  When I started getting glances from other people after about 10 mins. (*why is she standing back there?*) I found a seat about halfway down and sat in an empty row.

I lasted about 45 mins. before  the loud music and too bright lights and my wiggly, nonfocusing mind started telling me to run… run away now.   I felt so much relief when I slid behind the wheel of my truck and got out onto the open highway.  When my sister called later to find out what had happened, I glossed over the details and told her I wasn’t feeling that well.   Gratefully, she accepted this explanation without any further questions.

But, I really believe that my near wig out was, in part, due to the fact that I woke up Friday morning with RLQ abdominal pain.  I have been having intermittent bouts of pain in this area, every couple of months, for a while now and I’ve come to believe that I have either chronic appendicitis or appendicular cancer.  It usually lasts 24 – 36 hours and goes away gradually and I forget about it until the next time.  The episode about a month ago was a bit different than usual in that I only had periumbilical pain not the aching, occasionally flickering pain I have grown used to.  So, I’m blaming my intolerance of normal, human activities ( the movies) on my current sore belly.

Yesterday, after 48 hours of no relief, I told myself if the pain was still here by Sunday evening I would go to the local ER   But as the evening approaches, I find my resolve disappearing.  I have a lifelong problem asking for medical help unless I’m convinced that I’m really ill.  Having been an ER nurse for many years, I cringe at the thought of the staff shaking their heads in my direction and thinking “WTF.  Why is she here with something mild and temporary.  We’re busy people with real sick patients to look after”.   I know the usual progression of symptoms in acute appendicitis and it isn’t doing that.  So, I’m waffling.  It’s 2 pm now and I set 6 pm as the cut off time for my decision.  Goddammit, stop hurting NOW.  Just stop.



House sitting – all done

My sister and BIL returned home last evening.  They had a good time and learned a lot about horsemanship and their horses.  I made us dinner-copper pennies, garlic bread, skewered shrimp and stuffed mushrooms. Sometimes, I like to cook. We ate, and chatted, and then they both crashed.  Tuckered out.

I was glad I’d be heading home in the morning, back to my house, few responsibilities, and a TV in my bedroom.  I’m a simple soul. I’ll probably do it again. I was glad to be of some help.

Oh yea, as I was about to turn the truck into my driveway this morning the “check engine” light came on.  Figures.


House sitting – day 7

My brother called and I told him about finding the snapper in the creek.  He said “they make good eating” and told me how to get to the meat.  First:  you cut it’s head off (apparently you let them chomp down on a stick and while it’s neck is extended, you “whack” it off ); then you scald the whole turtle in a pot of boiling water –  ” dip him in 3 or 4 times, like a tea bag” and after that the two parts of the shell separate, you gut him and cut out the meat.  My brother likes to sauté his turtle in butter, onion, and garlic.  I……don’t think so.  There’s plenty of other food out there to eat.

My shitty, slightly panicky mood has continued to worsen.  I’m snapping at the dogs.  I just need to go home and be left alone.


House sitting – day 6

Loki, le chat, returned home at 11 pm last night, fit as a fiddle and apparently none the worse for wear (both my mothers’ sayings).  He came in, had a meal, and proceeded to lie across my feet, as if to reconnect and say he was sorry for putting me through the worry.  Thank ….. whatever (God, heaven, goodness, fuck) he’s back safe and sound.

My nephew and a friend slept over.  They were fine, finding running out into the thunderstorm and cold rain without their shirts an exhilarating boy experience.  We needed the rain.  The newly planted grass and corn needed it and it had gotten a bit warm around here.

I found a dinner plate sized snapping turtle in the creek and like The Turtle Man decided I wanted to pick him up and have a closer look.  Unfortunately/fortunately, it dig in under a log and I couldn’t get a grip on it.

It really is lovely here with hummingbirds,  bunnies, deer, turkeys, the occasional bald eagle, and songbirds living out their lives.  Will try/need to spend more time here this summer.


House sitting – day 5

Another lovely day here in paradise.

I dragged my shitty mood along with me to therapy.  I fixed my death ray laser eyes on my T and verbally vomited up all the justifiable reasons ” why” on my T.  I can so do eye contact when I’m angry. Hey, that’s what we pay for, right?  I challenged him to explain why he will sit in silence for up to 20 mins. just looking in my direction.  I told him sometimes I can’t speak because either thoughts are swirling around too fast, with nothing able to escape the vortex to my lips or there’s NOTHING there at all.  He said he was taught in school that “silences can be therapeutic”  and that sometimes he’s giving me time to think or he “doesn’t want to agitate” me.  WTF?  I thought that it’s unlikely that he would agitate me  (I come fully loaded) and told him instead, that I need him to be more proactive and just ask me SOMETHING and bring me back to the conversation.  He nodded his presumed understanding.  We’ll see if anything changes.

Today. I must try to make amends to :  the dogs (yelled a bit at them for little reason),  my brother who called 2 days ago to catch up (ignored and then didn’t return his call), and the universe (in general).  Tonight I’m watching my 11 y.o. nephew and I can’t be the crazy, scary aunt   Also need to hide the bong.

I had planned to do a Game of Thrones marathon while here (season 2 onwards) but no luck settling to that.  My mother also highly recommended Downton Abbey (I like Brit offerings) but, again, can’t seem to get started.

Also need to find the cat.  Last seen yesterday afternoon on my walk with the dogs ( he likes to tag along).  My overactive, slightly anxious brain keeps seeing him out of the corner of my eye.


House sitting – day 4

“A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.”  Ogden Nash

How true.

Another pink sky morning greeted me as I watched a turkey picking his/her way across a cornfield, dashing to the safety of the wood’s edge when the early school bus came down the road.

On one of our walks yesterday, Daisy spent 30 minutes barking at something she had trapped in the roots of a large tree.  She ignored my shouting at her to  STFU and come on.  When she tired of this pursuit and came home I was glad she didn’t come back smelling of skunk.  My last dog got skunked here on the farm and the drive home, in the cab of my truck, was memorable.  For weeks after i treated her, the stink would return a bit whenever she got damp.  I looked up the formula for a homemade de-skunking solution, just in case.  It’s 1 quart 3% hydrogen peroxide, 2 tsps. liquid dish soap – like Dawn or Ivory, and 1/4 cup baking soda.

Then, after a series of unfortunate events, my mood plummeted and I’m still feeling bad today.  Stupid, childish things.  Stupid me.


House sitting – day 3

The farm is planted in corn this year.  It must be ideal growing conditions now as it was planted 10 days ago and the little stalks are already 6 inches tall.  Approximately 30 acres are planted, the rest is woodland.  Yesterday, on one of our walks (did 2!) where the shafts  of sunlight got through the canopy, I could see millions of airborne particles floating by.  Probably pollen, etc.  Yesterday, I started sneezing and snotting up  – either the pollen or the cat (allergic to cats.)

A TV cook that I like made a dish of mussels cooked on dry pine needles, on the grill.  I’m going to try it, so I’ve started collecting needles.  Hope they don’t taste like pine.

Daisy slept with me last night, under the covers.  Good thing neither one of us was farting.  It was really chilly – definitely a one dog night.