my new provider – maybe

I waited 9 weeks for an appt. with my first ever psychiatric nurse practitioner. I have a soft spot for nurses – used to be one – but she is associated with the SOB psychiatrist i came to despise while inpt. locally a few years ago. However, my T assured me, when he suggested the NP, that the SOB only sees pts. in the next county over. (If you’re wrong i will kill you, David.)

I decided to try someone else after finally seeing that my pdoc of 5 years was really not trying anymore (or maybe that is me). At any rate, at my last visit with him when i was clearly manic, he told me to call if i wanted some seroquel otherwise come back in 3 months. I’m fairly new to the notion of bipolarity but from reading the blogs of sufferers it seems that most folks DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT when they feel mania approaching or find it in residence.

The visit went well, she called me by my preferred name (not my official name which i’ve always hated and try to pretend i can’t hear), and she took her time to get to know me and i wasn’t a complete lunatic – OK, maybe just a little but hey look at where i was.

I rated myself a 12 on the 0(fatally depressed) to 20(fatally manic) scale with 10 being ‘normal’. We reviewed my arms – length list of previously tried meds. and she suggested i start aripiprazole again as a “mood stabilizer’ because ‘what goes up, must come down’. I’ve heard that somewhere.

BUT…. aripiprazole is an AT antipsychotic, not really a mood stabilizer in the strict sense and i’m feeling lied to. Lying to me is so very much a deal breaker. This drug has anti-manic properties and honestly i’m quite enjoying my hypomania after being crippled so long by depression. I don’t want it to end yet (ever).

Maybe i don’t understand. Does medicating to prevent depression have to mean eradicating the mania, even if it is mild and desirable? Maybe the dosage is the key to the desired effect of antidepressant. Maybe at my dosage my mania will be untouched.

For now, i will take it. This fucking med costs almost $900.00 for a 1 month supply and thankfully Medicare covered all but $88.00. But, sadly, if i come to believe that my PNP is trying to lie to me again, i will have to runn oft – homage to O’ Brother, where art thou?


PS : I asked her if she would prescribe medical marijuana for me and sadly she cited her experiences with “young people who became psychotic after smoking pot” and said no. Damn. I will have to keep looking.


4 responses to “my new provider – maybe

  1. I want to shout it from the rooftops that: YOUNG ADULTS WHO GET PSYCHOTIC WITH POT WERE ALREADY GOING TO BE PSYCHOTIC!!!! Pot did not CAUSE their psychosis, although, like any antidepressant, it might have unmasked it. There, I shouted it, but only you will hear it…..

    • Why don’t they already know this? I’m trying to blame the disconnect on the lack of scientific research into pot’s medicinal properties, but i’m starting to think most health care professionals just don’t want to know. stubborn pricks

      • The science is being actively suppressed by companies like Insys (makers of Fentanyl, and a “new” synthetic cannabinoid that’s basically the same as Dronabinol, and toxic as hell). The U.S. government holds patents on cannabinoids. My asshole ex husband the neuroscientist is a consultant for companies wanting to make drugs out of pot to combat dementia and hypoxic brain injuries because of its neuroprotective activity. But, “it has no medical benefit.” (Hear that? It’s the sound of blood boiling)

  2. I bought stock in Insys in 2016 but sold it when i learned they were spending my money to defeat the legalization of rec. pot in Az. Just recently bought a LOT of pot based stocks through Ed. Jones (manic spending?) but they are all based in canada or the u.k. Also opened an Etrade acct to buy penny stocks in the industry b/c Ed Jones doesn’t do penny stocks. Got any hot stock tips courtesy of your asshole ex? I did tell my financial advisor i am manic and asked him to tell me if i try to do anything stupid. He assures me he will.

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