When i graduated from vet school a billion years ago one of the speakers used the premise of serendipity in her speech.  I haven’t thought of the word much since then until recently.  I actually got a much needed job offer from this woman [most of my classmates already had jobs lined up by graduation] and i took her up on her offer and worked happily for/with her for 13 years.


Anyway, serendipity popped back into my head because i discovered by accident that burning myself in the oven helped put the brakes on a uncomfortably manic day.   I happened  to sizzle my hand on the broiler about a week ago and immediately felt the vibration and electricity ease in my head and body.


A couple of days ago when i felt too much energy again, i purposely preheated the oven to 425,, put a pizza pan in to heat and used that to burn myself, resulting in a 2nd degree burn on my forearm.  Today my T looked at the bandage on my arm and asked me if i had cut too deep.   “No, it’s a burn, it helps slow me down.”    He frowned inside and moved on.


I did a little reading about self harm and bipolar disorder and it seems that some people use self harm during depressed and/or manic phases.  I’m certainly not advocating this behavior for anyone else, but for me it’s good to find a non-medicinal approach to slowing things down to a manageable level.




4 responses to “serendipity

  1. I’ve noticed that too, that when my wheels are spinning and I bang my head on a sharp corner, for instance, that shock of pain and the subsequent cascade of neurochemicals (which then leads to an outburst of tears) causes a sort of gear shift. I do know people who have inadvertently become addicted to the relief of self-harm, so please be careful.

    I find that when I’m diligent about taking my CBD supplement, I don’t get into those spirals. I wonder whether this is yet another indication of a deficit in the endocannabinoid system…not enough anandamide, down-regulated receptors? Please don’t fall down the self injury rabbit hole….

    • Thanks, i’ll be careful…i will. I’ve been using a LOT more pot lately as well. I’m still waiting for Maryland to get their shit together so i can find the best strains for me. Unfortunately, PTSD is the only mental illness that is a qualifying condition in MD for medical MJ.

      • I think it’s the only one in any state, so far. I found it very helpful to pore over the Leafly website/app to learn about which strains are good for what. I recently posted a guide to the endocannabinoid system from The Cannabist, which is a good quick-n-dirty for getting a handle on what receptors are where. And I love the enormous compendium that is Green Flower Media! So much fun.

        What are Maryland’s qualifying conditions?

  2. In Maryland the qualifying conditions are: cachexia, anorexia, wasting syndrome, chronic or severe pain, severe nausea, seizures, severe or persistent muscle spasms, glaucoma, and PTSD. I checked out the Cannabist article you cited, will look up the Green Flower site. Maybe i’ll start the MMJ certification process as it seems tedious. A big problem i’m concerned about is the fact that my shrink absolutely denies any medicinal applications for MJ so i don’t think he’ll help me.

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